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im all alone in the room.. i dun care wads happening outside at all... fucked bastard... not calling tat fucking bastard dad for six god dam years... im beyond hurt today.. very very very... i swear i wont even shed a single tear when hes dead.. i wont at all...

its a mental torture... i cried non stop since afternoon til now... not crying over tat bastard.. but just thinking why am i borned into this kind of family... and everytime mum will just put on a facade to others... willing to tolerate that bastard's nonsense for twenty sth years... i dun blame my mum at all.... and yes.. i pray to god every single day that they can just get a divorce.. and my wish is finally fufilled.. after so many fucking years of abuse... mentally especially.. all of us had enough.. more than enough... tat bastard drived me to the extreme end and i did unexpected things..

imagine everyone is not at home, except me and some fucked up bastard.. and hes getting so cranky over stuff that he overheard.. few days back, my siblings and i had a discussion in my room while the fucker was sleeping in the room right beside ours... and i bet he heard some stuff... we were discussing abt the future.. where to move,, whether to sell the hse or not.. wads gg to happen to me when i have not even finished my studies yet.. job wise for my siblings.. how? my mum too.. we had great plans to get rid of him.. sis even suggested that after having a divorce, have some document prepared as an evidence to prove that we arent related to him any any more and he got no rights to find us for money in the future.. wow.. i was so elated to hear that.. fucking happy... and what fucked up stuff happened just now? i locked myself in the room.. when he tried opening the door claiming to take some stuff, i was lik what u want to take? and fucked it, the moment when he knew it was locked, he bang and slam the door for umpteen times... its so fucking loud that practically every single person living in this whole block can hear everything... vulgarities started echoing in the hse...saying that this isnt your hse at all and not yr fucking room... u better open the door now if not i kill u.. its not just scolding "cheebye, lanjiao or wadever hokkien vulgarities" its telling u to go fuck other ppl.. go fuck your friends and be a prostitute at geylang..insulting all my friends.. and just because that bastard saw me coming home with bernard, he claims that tats the fucking boyfriend whom i fuck every single day.. insulting me that im watching some porno stuff in the room just bcuz he heard some television sound... i can tahan him scolding wadever shit of me.. what i cant stand is that he actually pushed everything to my mum.. claiming that she go fuck someone else and give birth to me.. cheebye.. and say that if i ever dare step out of the room, hes gg to rape and kill me... words like "my thing is long enough to fuck you deep in" crude.. crude... abuse.. its seriously mentally abusing me lik mad.. i was scared stiff.. because i didnt have phone with me.. all i could do is just cry to myself...

when everyone was back.. he acted lik nth has happened.. i came out and started yelling at him, and of cuz.. saying that im proud to be a prostitute to fuck him back... didnt expect my bro's gf was outside too.. nevertheless, tat maddog started yelling lik nobody's business again.. everyone came to noe what happened after me saying in the midst of the war... violent... to the max.. bro's gf went out first.. i dun fucking care.. everyone was mad.. my mum was.. my sister too... no i dont wish to say wad exactly happened...

will it help just by calling 999? no it doesnt at all.. twice already and it didnt help at all for the past 10 years.. this is the first time i telling all these to everyone except one person who knows abit of it only... it comes to a point that theres nth to be ashamed of at all... even my mum thinks so now.. want to quarrel then lets do it man.. no need to be scared of others being able to hear or see it.. cuz its usual already.. everyone knows that problems and quarrels forever will arise from this unit.. mum's telling me to call the police if such thing arises again... haha, come to think of it. i was stupid enough to sympathise him, claiming that even after we don live tgt, maybe we should still send him some money each month even though we totally cut off connections from him.. and sister straight away objected to it and said "totally cut off connection.. dun even need to care whether hes dead or alive.. none of our business...totally..." everybody was speechless..

i swear i hate this kind of home... i wanted to kill him just now.. was really in a irrationale state of mind...but i kept quiet.. and just tolerated all these... all i could do is just cry to myself... and nw my sis is yacking away.. "now u see why u must come over to my hse?" i guess its really time to move out.. i cant stand all these any anymore.............

im all alone in the room.. i dun care wads happening outside at all... fucked bastard... not calling tat fucking bastard dad for six god dam years... im beyond hurt today.. very very very... i swear i wont even shed a single tear when hes dead.. i wont at all...

its a mental torture... i cried non stop since afternoon til now... not crying over tat bastard.. but just thinking why am i borned into this kind of family... and everytime mum will just put on a facade to others... willing to tolerate that bastard's nonsense for twenty sth years... i dun blame my mum at all.... and yes.. i pray to god every single day that they can just get a divorce.. and my wish is finally fufilled.. after so many fucking years of abuse... mentally especially.. all of us had enough.. more than enough... tat bastard drived me to the extreme end and i did unexpected things..

imagine everyone is not at home, except me and some fucked up bastard.. and hes getting so cranky over stuff that he overheard.. few days back, my siblings and i had a discussion in my room while the fucker was sleeping in the room right beside ours... and i bet he heard some stuff... we were discussing abt the future.. where to move,, whether to sell the hse or not.. wads gg to happen to me when i have not even finished my studies yet.. job wise for my siblings.. how? my mum too.. we had great plans to get rid of him.. sis even suggested that after having a divorce, have some document prepared as an evidence to prove that we arent related to him any any more and he got no rights to find us for money in the future.. wow.. i was so elated to hear that.. fucking happy... and what fucked up stuff happened just now? i locked myself in the room.. when he tried opening the door claiming to take some stuff, i was lik what u want to take? and fucked it, the moment when he knew it was locked, he bang and slam the door for umpteen times... its so fucking loud that practically every single person living in this whole block can hear everything... vulgarities started echoing in the hse...saying that this isnt your hse at all and not yr fucking room... u better open the door now if not i kill u.. its not just scolding "cheebye, lanjiao or wadever hokkien vulgarities" its telling u to go fuck other ppl.. go fuck your friends and be a prostitute at geylang..insulting all my friends.. and just because that bastard saw me coming home with bernard, he claims that tats the fucking boyfriend whom i fuck every single day.. insulting me that im watching some porno stuff in the room just bcuz he heard some television sound... i can tahan him scolding wadever shit of me.. what i cant stand is that he actually pushed everything to my mum.. claiming that she go fuck someone else and give birth to me.. cheebye.. and say that if i ever dare step out of the room, hes gg to rape and kill me... words like "my thing is long enough to fuck you deep in" crude.. crude... abuse.. its seriously mentally abusing me lik mad.. i was scared stiff.. because i didnt have phone with me.. all i could do is just cry to myself...

when everyone was back.. he acted lik nth has happened.. i came out and started yelling at him, and of cuz.. saying that im proud to be a prostitute to fuck him back... didnt expect my bro's gf was outside too.. nevertheless, tat maddog started yelling lik nobody's business again.. everyone came to noe what happened after me saying in the midst of the war... violent... to the max.. bro's gf went out first.. i dun fucking care.. everyone was mad.. my mum was.. my sister too... no i dont wish to say wad exactly happened...

will it help just by calling 999? no it doesnt at all.. twice already and it didnt help at all for the past 10 years.. this is the first time i telling all these to everyone except one person who knows abit of it only... it comes to a point that theres nth to be ashamed of at all... even my mum thinks so now.. want to quarrel then lets do it man.. no need to be scared of others being able to hear or see it.. cuz its usual already.. everyone knows that problems and quarrels forever will arise from this unit.. mum's telling me to call the police if such thing arises again... haha, come to think of it. i was stupid enough to sympathise him, claiming that even after we don live tgt, maybe we should still send him some money each month even though we totally cut off connections from him.. and sister straight away objected to it and said "totally cut off connection.. dun even need to care whether hes dead or alive.. none of our business...totally..." everybody was speechless..

i swear i hate this kind of home... i wanted to kill him just now.. was really in a irrationale state of mind...but i kept quiet.. and just tolerated all these... all i could do is just cry to myself... and nw my sis is yacking away.. "now u see why u must come over to my hse?" i guess its really time to move out.. i cant stand all these any anymore.............

LINDAYeoh aka susu♥ (:
17 going on 18; 15june
TJC cg13/08 ((: Tjcsb


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